Afraid

I've been a bad person inside all this while but I just don't show it. Now I'm a bad son too. All I wanted was freedom. So being me, I always bargain for the extreme and then negotiate for the less extreme. So I told my mum that I want to rent a house so that I can have more freedom. Well, on one end I thought that was a good thing coz I won't be arguing with my mum when I want to go out. I didn't really want to rent a house. I just want to give a signal that I want more freedom and negotiate it. My mum was really angry. She actually cried in front of me and my siblings saying that I'm an ungrateful son. :( She kinda gave up and said that if I want to leave, I can leave. She restricts my freedom because she loves me. She doesn't want me to get hurt whatsoever. At this point I know I'm screwed. Being a Muslim, making your mum cry is just one of  the most screwed up thing to do. You'll get punished here and the Hereafter. I'm so afraid to live now. I didn't know things will end up this way.

I've seen many of my plans in life foiled recently. Things that are supposed to make me happy didn't happen. I'm not sure if these are punishments but one thing's for sure, we make plans but on He can make it happen. Since I've made my mum cry, things aren't gonna be good for me in the next few days, weeks, years? I don't know.